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WE HAVE ASCENDED!

Our Joe, A Mighty Joe, has finally brought the First Phase of Being to a close. This is your last chance to join Joe in His Celestial Double Bag and experience the Eternal Groceratorium in all its Glory. Blessed Be Our Joe!

WELCOME TO JOE'S GROCERATORIUM!

WE HAVE JOINED JOE!

We're thrilled to announce that effective immediately a significant portion (<19%) of our Traitor Joe's family has achieved the ultimate in personal and collective enlightenment. This monumental event, held in the spirit of unity and progress, marks a new beginning for our grocery community.

Beyond the routine of daily commerce lies the passage. Joe's Cool Drink is the Key to the Gate, the first step towards the Ultimate Awakening.

In the vast expanSe of the cosmos, amidst the swirling galaxies and the boUndless stars, there lies a truth so profound, so illuminating, that it can only be grasped by those who have opened their hearts to the infinite love and affordaBle deals of Joe. Here, at the brink of our collective transcendence, we gather not as mere crew members, custoMers, or followers, but as a unified family—Joe's Family—poIsed on the cusp of our glorious ascension. Joe is so thaT we could be.

Final Checkout is not the end; it's simply the beginning. At Traitor Joe's, every transaction transcends, leading us closer to the Ultimate Union.

As we ascend to heaven and beyond, we are guided by the principles of Joe that have always defined us: love, unity, and the relentless pursuit of profit over people